Part 49: Someone Even Dumber Than Link

Someone Even Dumber Than Link

Music: Festival


Today is a contest I'm bad at!



Because they fire me up!!

Poor Zaid, a hot blooded shonen protagonist stuck being a side character in a simple farming sim/rpg.



I feel like I could win.if I had permission to use magic.
That'd be cheating.



Please don't.

...why are you better at throwing needles than balls?



Link...What are you talking about?

Oh no, the small child can see through my meaningless platitudes.



Yes. (But just because I take it seriously doesn't mean...)
Watch for flying turnips.
...



No. She just ends up throwing a few...Every year, just thinking about it is fun.
Yeah... (It might be funny.)



Why don't you tell her, too, Collette?
Hm? They're tasty.
You eat them?!

Hmm...



Okay, then, do you put it in baths?
No. They're to sell.
They're to eat.

Hypocrite.



I just couldn't help it...
Gaius?!




Alright, time to face the inevitable.

Pink Turnip and Gold Turnip are worth even more. Control is going to be most important. Oh, and one last thing. You can see your score and the time in the bottom right corner of the top screen. Okay! Ready...set...go!

Music: Contest

So the problem I have with this contest is...


Oh fucking hell why did they let Marian throw the turnips.


OK, that's a problem with the contest, but not the one I was talking about. So a bunch of balls spawn on the ground, and you pick them up and throw them at turnips.

Problem 1: You have to be more or less constantly moving, since you won't throw things if you're standing still.
Problem 2: I am bad at aiming.
Problem 3: I'm even worse at aiming when I can't stop to line up a good shot first.

Now at first, the shots are easy. Marian throws one turnip at a time moving from the top of the screen to the bottom.


Then she starts throwing multiple turnips, often requiring angled shots to get them all.


Then she starts throwing so many you have zero time to think.


And near the end, gold turnips will show up way in the back, going from left to right(or vice versa). I'm never going to hit them, ever.




Yeah, I didn't even rank with my whopping 2300 points.


I tried one more time just to say I did, and technically do better. Technically.

After a few more reloads and hating my life, I manage to scrape into third place.


On the bright side, reloading let Daria get that victory she wanted.


It wasn't about the cooking breads. It was about the principle of the thing.





It hurts...

Villager reviews of the festival are mixed.


Seriously though, why turnips? If they wanted to specifically throw turnips(because there's three varieties of them for point differences), put the festival in a turnip-growing season! If they wanted to make it a fall harvest festival(to pretend this is like real life where fall was the big harvest), have them throw fall crops!


Wait, is that why Marian was sending out the turnips? They were being magically moved, not thrown?


Bask in your victory, Daria. Just ignore the alternate universe where you didn't win.



No, you can't.

Also I don't think turnips have weak spots.





Last update, someone asked why Link's intelligence stat went down after leveling up. I'm not sure why, but I'm blaming it on the fact that he apparently has no short-term memory.


Quest time!



What, you didn't read my letter?
It only said "let's go together."
Hmm, I guess that happens sometimes. Well, let's go!
Like I said, where are we going?!
You just don't get it. Two guys on an adventure obviously means treasure.
Treasure?!
Sh! Keep your voice down!



Whew...
Alright, first we'll go to the desert entrance. We'll talk more there.
I-I get the picture.


As hilarious as this quest would be if it was just Zaid dragging us around with no explanation, he does have a destination in mind.

Ha ha ha...



And the book was about some phantom Messhilight Ore!

The Messhilight Ore was apparently an important part of marrying Julia in RF2. It gets forged into her engagement ring or something. So says the RF wiki.

Look, I'm not the RF2 expert here, okay?

So?
You don't get it. It's a treasure they call a phantom! We've gotta find it!
But it's a phantom item, right? How're we supposed to find it?
Ha ha ha ha! It says exactly where we can find it!

So how is it a phantom item, then?

Oh!
Apparently...The rock crystallizes in cold regions.
In other words! The rock is in Vale River!

Oh.

...
So let's go!
I'm going home...



Hey! Wait just a minute! Where are you going?!



*sigh*...Link, were you even listening?
This phantom rock is right there! You have to go!
What's the point of going if I know we're not going to find it...
We'll find it! Just come on, let's go!
I want to go home...

If your plan is dumb enough that Link is calling you out on it, just stop. Then go hide in shame for a year.

Of course we're still going along with it because why not.

Music: Vale River



Hold your horses.



What makes you so sure?
Just come on!



He's still level 25 or something & this area expects you to be in the mid-30s, he's deadweight. (Also he helps us fight anyway. Gameplay/story integration! )


Luckily I don't need his help in the first place.



I'm tired...


At least we got something useful out of this bullshit.



Talk to me after defeating all of these monsters!
Okay.


This is a screen where the map is divided in half by the river. Since I've beaten the dungeon, there's a handy teleporter to get to the other side, but...


After two (in-game) hours of fighting, I figure out that the teleporter resets the room, meaning it's impossible to defeat everything without the lilypad seed or water shoes.


The other thing I'd noticed but had never been a problem until now is that tired magic seeds don't become active again if they're not in your inventory. I've had a tired lilypad seed sitting in my fridge for weeks.


And it's late enough in the day that I can't just buy another one from the flower shop.


I get my revenge on Zaid by forcing him to watch me fish all night.


We'll just have to regroup in the morning and


...are...you just gonna stand there the whole night? Okay then.


Yeah, so NPCs will stay in your party until you dismiss them. This extends to them not leaving while you go to sleep.


But the lilypad seed is active again now that I took a rest with it not in the fridge, so I can finish this stupid quest.


Time for revenge.



Let's just keep moving!
...

Congratualations Zaid, you're now my first and only entry in the list of villagers I'm going to stab in their sleep.


OK, it's made better by the fact that you just need to go to the big mysterious cavern one screen north.

Yeah. My gut is telling me that it's here...first, let's take care of the monsters. Careful, they're strong!
I wonder if it's really here...

One monster massacre later...



Oh brother...


Hey look, a convenient hidden item spot two feet from where we're standing. Surely this can't be it.

Hm, is this...?
You found it?!



That's it! This is it!! THIS IS IT!!! The Messhilight Ore!
Really?!
Yeah, we did it!
I really didn't think we'd find it...but it really exists.
That's what I told you! My gut is never wrong!
I guess it's just wild instinct...
What do you mean wild?! You should be happier!


I just can't get enough of the fact that out of all the weirdos in this game, Zaid is the one that breaks Link.

I'm kidding! I'm really glad we found it!
Stop being weird and we can divide it up at home!

Music: Monster Village



Yeah, we did find the Messhilight Ore.
Ha ha ha ha! Now I'm rich!



Ondorus? What is it?
You sounded like.you were having fun. Did something happen?
I found this.
I see. A Messhilight Ore? They are quite rare. You're both very lucky. I'd only read.about them. I wanted to see one. May I take a look?
Of course! I got it for you, Ondorus! Do whatever you want with it!
?!

Music: Alchemy

For me?
Yes!



No problem!
I'll have to repay you two. How about this? It's no Messhilight Ore, but this Small Crystal is rare, too.
Thank you very much.
I'll go and study this now. Thank you again.




You gave it away...
I know, I know! But he was so happy, and we got this in return! That's not so bad!
*sigh* ...yeah.


I'm telling Marian you have every ailment under the sun and need a house visit.